Msgr. Beaulieu – Friend of the Bridegroom

Friend of the Bridegroom

Two biblical words, the Hebrew Shōshbēn and the Greek Paranymph mean roughly the same thing: friend or relative of the bridegroom who accompanies the groom to bring home the bride. An entry in Ellicott’s Bible Commentary for English Readers yields the following explanation of the term: “The ‘friend of the bridegroom’—called by the Hebrews ‘Shōshbēn’ and by the Greeks ‘Paranymph’—was charged with the preliminaries of the marriage. He arranged the contract, acted for the bridegroom during the betrothal, and arranged for, and presided at, the festivities of the wedding-day itself. It was a position of honour, in proportion to the position of the bridegroom himself, and was given to his chief friend. That friend then joyed in his joy, and there was none brighter on that day than he. This in John’s thought is an illustration of his own position.”

At Cana, Jesus was a friend of the bridegroom (Heb. Shoshben). In Jewish tradition, the shoshben was the best man in a wedding and was responsible for arranging the wedding. The shoshben was also the groom’s closest friend and the bride’s most trusted friend after the groom. It is not the wedding of the “friend of the bridegroom,” because it was his responsibility to serve the bridegroom. “The friend of the bridegroom” was the person selected by the groom to conduct the marriage negotiations on his part. It was the shoshben who carried messages between the bridegroom and the bride during the time of the betrothal. He also guarded the gate where the bride would be, charged with listening for the groom’s voice at the gate and, then, letting him in. Thus, he was in charge of everything: the preparations for the wedding ceremony, the ceremony itself, and the reception afterward.  With the exception of the bride and groom, everyone else in the wedding, as well as everyone making preparations for the wedding, answered to him and took orders from him. 

The friend of the bridegroom was the most-trusted friend of the bride and groom, and had the responsibility of protecting them and acting as a liaison between them, delivering messages to them from each other. He also sent out the wedding invitations or personally delivered them himself.  His objective, as he made preparations, was to make this wedding celebration a memorable time of great joy and rejoicing for the bride and groom, their families, and all who were invited.

The friend of the bridegroom’s last and most important responsibility was to protect the bridal chamber. After the wedding the shoshben would open the door to the bridal chamber for the bride to enter and make herself ready for her husband. He would then station himself at the door to keep any false lovers from entering. When it became night he would wait and listen for the sound of the bridegroom’s voice, and when he heard it and recognized it, he would let the bridegroom into the chamber and go on his way rejoicing.  The lovers were now together; his responsibilities as the friend of the bridegroom were now finished. He could now go to the wedding banquet and enjoy the feast.